After writing the piece below about ‘Verbal Spewage’ I had a very interesting conversation at a pub in town with a good friend named Brian. This is the same guy who a couple of years ago encouraged me not just to “think outside the box, but to live outside the box.” I always enjoy these meetings with Brian because I come away with more than when we started.
Our conversation covered a lot of areas, but one of the main issues we discussed was the concept of “becoming who you are.” Basically in a nutshell, I have become convinced that what I should be spending my time and energy on is this quest of becoming who I am. In other words, I believe that as God has made all of us unique and for a reason, we need to become who we are. Many of us have spent far too much time and energy trying to be something or someone that we aren’t, or trying to live up to someone else’s often unrealistic expectations of us.
I shared with Brian about the consequences of my “verbal spewages” and what its aftermath has been in my experiences. Basically by criticizing and pointing the finger at things I thought needed to be addressed, in the long run it may have built up more resistance and resulted in damage to those relationships. Brian gave me one of his looks and I braced myself for him to say something profound.
He did not disappoint me as he declared, “Oftentimes people don’t change because we are telling them directly that something is wrong, or needs to be changed. More often than not they will resist that type of frontal assault. Actually people change in the most profound ways when we are simply being ourselves. When we live as ourselves and are being authentic, that is compelling, and can actually initiate the kinds of changes we were looking for in the first place.”
It suddenly struck me that he was right on target. Rather than directly criticizing or pointing the finger at areas needing change—engaging in verbal spewage—I needed to forget about all of that and concentrate on being myself. Whether or not change truly happens is not up to me, in many ways.
This is my theory: Be the best big toe you can be! What do I mean? God has designed each of us in the church similar to the parts of the human body. But the body shouldn’t get involved in squabbles designed either to lower the status of some parts or elevate the status of other parts.
They eye shouldn’t say to the toe, “You’re worthless because you aren’t valuable like me.” And by the same token the toe shouldn’t think to itself, “Hey, the eye is right! I am worthless because I’m only the big toe down on this stinky foot.” I say, be the best big toe you can be! Forget trying to be an eye or an ear or a hand or whatever, be the best big toe you can be. Become who you are and that will be far more compelling than trying to be something you’re not.
So for me, I’m going to try and not engage in any more verbal spewages. I want to be the best big toe I can be, do the kinds of things for which I was wired and created, and see what happens. I have no idea what will be the result.
